Reflection: January & Queen of Pentacles

when we sit down with our decks, feel the drag of card stock against our thumbs as we shuffle and draw, or scroll through our feeds to read energetic forecasts, we invite conversation into our lives. the scenes of a man trying to run away with swords in tow to the celebration and joy that community brings us, the cards we draw become our conversations partners. as we sit with them, they tell us stories of our life, our inner world, how events around us shift the world that lives within us—or maybe they allow us to tell that story for ourselves.

either way, while we may develop a beautiful, communicative relationship with particular cards over time, there are still moments where the cards either feel damning or we can’t decipher the story the cards is trying to tell.

while I have many resources to turn to and read about particular cards, transits, what-have-you, i’ve found the most beneficial exercise is reflecting on how particular energies and archetypes manifested for me, personally. when take the abstract and ground it in our personal experience, we create a powerful working relationship and these practices of tarot, astrology, and more become filled with meaning because they are full of things meaningful to us.

when I received my year ahead reading from gina of incandescent tarot, it was intriguing to see who was sat at my table as conversation partners for the next year and to be offered an introduction to what stories each would tell! I also was curious about how other people had experienced the cards that I was now sitting with for the next year outside of the information available in the reading.

since I hold the belief that we learn best from the stories of one another, I decided I would offer a reflection on how each of my cards of the month (in concert with astrological transits + spell work) manifested for me.

so if you’re someone who looks up or considers the meaning of a card and thinks, “yeah but what does that really look like?!” this is post is for you!

feel free to also join in by drawing a card for the month (beforehand or retroactively) and sharing your experience via the comments below, email, Facebook, or instagram!

queen of pentacles (bones) from the wooden tarot.

queen of pentacles (bones) from the wooden tarot.

queen of pentacles

in the fountain tarot, the queen of pentacles stands in an elegant black cloak, topiaries and greenery surrounding her as the pentacle she holds is nestled into her clothing.

when I first saw that the queen of pentacles was my card for the month, I will admit I was a bit nervous. my tarot readings have primarily been a landscape of watery emotions and the fire of inspiration coming together—the earthy energy of the pentacles was a bit intimidating to me! how would I feel in the rootedness that it can bring? would I feel confined, or liberated from the solidity?

while the traditional definitions of the queen of pentacles often represents domesticity, creating a nurturing home, financial rewards and gains, and more, she taught me the importance of turning these efforts inward.

when I started the month, I was also working with my intention of clarity which I had created an altar and candle for. at the time, I didn’t think I needed that much clarifying about my life. I was working the same job I had for almost a year and was going to stay there while working through school—if I were to get into graduate school.

but when particular relationship dynamics in the workplace—ones that I had considered leaving over previously—started to become active again, I felt panic. I had already selected a path that was the “right” thing to do such as staying at a job longer than a year, having a well-paying job, that my job was just becoming permanent and I would receive benefits. but amongst this rationalization, my entire body was screaming “no! we will not do this again!” in its Terror and panic, I started to feel myself dissociate, my consciousness removing itself from the situation it no longer wanted to endure.

in this moment of blind fear, the queen of pentacles cupped my hand as we sat in conversation and reminded me that my time and energy is just as valuable as any dollar bill. that it is not my responsibility to cut all life away within myself so that someone else’s garden could grow. instead, life is about fighting for and defending yourself just as you would for your loved ones. this also meant Investing in myself, being loving, generous, compassionate towards myself. pouring any amount of resources I would put into something external, I must pour into myself first. my garden should be the most abundant before turning to help another person.

she reminded me of the saying that you cannot heal yourself in an environment that made you sick. much more, that I deserve healing intrinsically just through being, that it is not something I must earn. it is something I must work for, but it is not something that I need to justify for myself.

with this conversation, I decided to listen to the scream of my body. to be brought back down into the earthy depths where the queen of pentacles is most comfortable. the answer becomes less clouded and less prone to abstraction when you listen to your body first—and mine was on fire.

she reminded me that if I wanted to stay committed to the work I had been doing to heal from my family trauma, that I needed to face or make the active choice to leave situations outside of my family that replicated the same dynamics, to create boundaries, and save myself.

when I found out I had gotten into graduate school a week later, I was absolutely elated for so many reasons. I felt respect for myself over my hard work and felt like I had been seen and appreciated for that work. much more, I felt that shift within myself and that it was time to give my notice.

the queen of pentacles in the wooden tarot is a saber tooth tiger skeleton, a skull draped with ivy and one tooth chipped. this queen reminds me that you are worth fighting for and protecting, and that sometimes being nurturing, loving, generous, means confrontation. when I gave my notice and was explicit about the reason I was leaving, I felt that queen rise within me. standing up for myself and speaking my truth, versus using another excuse as a reason to leave, felt respectful to myself. it felt respectful because I was honoring my own pain, speaking my truth, and no longer ceding my position to make someone else happy. In that process, I felt like I rescued myself and particularly, that I was rescuing my childhood self when this wasn’t possible. now, here I was experiencing similar dynamics at work as I had as a child, but this time, I had the power to fight for myself through speaking up and saying that my experiences were valid, real, and worth the time to consider.

since that moment, I have felt similar to how I felt when I separated from my family: safe. safe because I knew that regardless of how long it took for me to arrive at this decision, I still fought for myself in the end, and that is something that can continue to be built upon. this feeling of security has brought with it the natural side effects: less activation, more confidence, and actually being excited versus dreading the future.

much more, I have felt more proud of myself than I have in months! I have reveled in the intrinsic motivation I hold within myself and the incredible things I create from my passion. in just the past six months I’ve gotten my shit together to go to graduate school, I started this blog, and now i’ve co-launched a podcast.

sitting with the energy of the queen of pentacles has helped me arrive at this place of recognizing my true value and, as a result, to determine how I want to allocate the resources I have such as time. if it makes me feel like shit, why would I stick around? much more the lesson that I think the queen has brought me is that there is no need for me to justify it either. it is because I deserve to invest in myself, treat myself with respect, and take care of myself as a person with needs and healthy boundaries.

while it has brought up a well of emotion for me, this experience with the queen of pentacles has been deeply liberating. I have had more chances to say “therapy works!!” this month when I’ve recognized the stories I have told myself for years to finally be shifting.

I feel powerful; this power comes from recognizing my own worth and honoring it, fighting for it, and believing in that song I hold within myself.

photo by  Chelsea Bock  via unsplash.

photo by Chelsea Bock via unsplash.

a meditation for the queen of pentacles

when you find yourself in conversation with the pentacles in general, this earthy element often asks us to return to the information that sensation can bring us. as with my example, when I followed the wisdom that the queen of pentacles carries, my body held the answer all along. for those who are still working through trauma this may not be the ideal exercise for you and it could be that an alternative activity, such as journaling about these prompts, thinking about them while walking, or an alternative that you know works for you, may be viable replacements. there are certainly other ways to consider these questions as well.

I also think having a notebook handy to draw the visualizations you experience afterwards would be a delightful part of the process.

  1. center and ground. take a few breaths and do a check In with yourself. focus on rooting your tailbone into the earth.

  2. imagine yourself as a garden. if you can’t yet visualize what this garden would look like, focus on your heart. you have a blossom there. it continues to grow and grow, moving outside of you as it spreads out into an entire garden.

  3. what kinds of plants are present? is it a forest instead of a garden? a marshland? sink into the environment that’s presented and just observe it.

  4. as you observe the landscape, ask yourself what needs tending to. feel the soil in your hands as you take care of this area of the garden that needs help.

  5. in the process, notice what feelings arise within your body. what part of your life outside of this garden needs tending to?

  6. address each spot that arises in your mind. notice how your body feels after you take care of these parts of your garden.

  7. what areas are the most vibrant and alive? how does it feel to look at these parts of your garden? what parts of your life outside of this meditation does this apply to?

  8. take your time with your garden. notice what it asks for and also the beauty of it. this is all within you.

and let this meditation become your own! what is it that you want to explore? how can this be powerful you? make it all yours!

RECOMMENDED READING FOR THE PRINCIPLES OF THE QUEEN OF PENTACLES

feel free to send me recommendations for this theme via instagram, email, or in the comments below and i’ll update this list!

  • eastern body western mind - anodea Judith

  • the works of tasha Tudor

  • body keeps the score - Bessel van Der kolk

  • all about love - bell hooks

  • get money - Kristin Wong

VISUAL EXPLORATIONS OF the QUEEN OF PENTACLES

I also decided to go all out and am adding to this Pinterest board with visuals that I relate to the queen of pentacles if this is how you best absorb information!

otherwise, let me know what you thought of this post and I would LOVE to share your experiences with your card for the month to share here or on my instagram! it can even just be a paragraph, that paragraph will be so instructive and meaningful to others.

feel free to reach out via email, instagram, or the comments below!

until next time,

bri